I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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