Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
