we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
