I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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