I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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