so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
