i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
