Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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