While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
