I could make wine with my vomit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
