you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
