I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
