The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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