Im at strip club and am horny
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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