Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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