hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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