You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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