New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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