I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
