i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
