I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
