Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Randomize
