so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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