But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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