She is in my trunk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
