I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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