I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
