we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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