I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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