careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
