i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
