Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
