I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
