my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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