Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
