the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
