so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
