Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
