i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
