i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
