There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
