I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize