She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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