please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
