Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
