They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
