my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
