dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
