If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize