that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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