whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
