I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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