hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize