Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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