i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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