Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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