I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
