The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
