final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
