oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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