my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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