i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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