well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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