I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
