Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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