I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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