ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
