dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
