Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
