do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
