Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
