we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
