Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
