she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize