TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
