i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
